Well, this is my final post whilst
travelling around South East Asia.
I have to say that this has been one of
the best experiences of my life. I know everyone said it would be but
you don't fully understand what it means until you actually do it.
Looking back now it seems only yesterday that I left my dad, brothers
and sister at Manchester Airport bound for China. Everyone kept
asking me if I was scared but the truth is, I never gave myself time
to think about it. If I did then I probably would have chickened out
long before.
The most daunting time was when I
arrived at my hostel in Beijing. I'd actually gotten there ok but the
thought of leaving it the next day to go explore this amazing capital
city, well, to say I was shit scared would be an understatement. How
did I get over it? As my regional manager said (on more than one
occasion) J.F.D.I.......Just Fucking Do It.....and I did.
I never really
thought about what I wanted out of my trip as a person but here are a
few cliche's answered.
Am I a more
confident person? I think so in some areas but not all. Ok I can
navigate my way around Asia and do it alone but then again I was
quite independent in doing this at home. If I wanted to go somewhere
I would and I wouldn't expect anyone to hold my hand whilst doing it.
I still find it hard sometimes to strike up a conversation with
everyone I meet but I don't know if this is just because a lot of
people I came across never seemed approachable to me. At the same
time I think now that if they can't be bothered then why should I
waste my time. I was happy having alone time but the friends I did
meet were amazing in every way. Maybe I just had a feeling I wouldn't
click with the others?
Did I 'find'
myself? If by this it means discovering what I want out of life
then yeah I suppose I did. If it means that I now know who I am then
that's more difficult to answer. I know for sure what I like and what
I don't like but do we ever know who we really are? I mean, we change
and adapt ourselves everyday in life but now I believe I will do this
for me and what feels right and not just to please everyone else. As
for knowing what I want then yeah, I have to say I now do. I know I
want to change my career and as scary as it sounds I actually find it
exciting. This coming from someone stuck in the same job in the same
branch for 10 years not wanting to step out of her bubble. I know I
want to get my finances under control to be able to have a
comfortable life ready to be lived. I want to take up hobbies and
learn new and exciting things such as....learning Spanish fluently,
learn a musical instrument like the piano maybe, keeping myself fit
as a lifestyle and not just because of my weight, quit smoking so I
can afford other luxuries like clothes and being able to do more
things with my friends and family. I'm not saying i'll be able to do
all these things but I know now that if I want it bad enough then I
can go for it. No more being scared that i'll never be any good so
why bother.
Ready for a
relationship? Oooh this is a tough one. Whilst being away I've
had time to reflect on my choices and actions in the past. The two
things that still haunted me were cheating on Stuart resulting in my
failed marriage and falling so badly for Dan and getting hurt like
nothing else when he played me for 2 years and then rejected me.
After 7 years of beating myself up about it and making myself ill
to the extreme of severe depression, I finally realised that I had to
forgive myself. With Stuart I realised it wasn't all my fault. It was
both of ours. He was as much to blame as me but being so young back
then I didn't know how to deal with it so I resented him and found a
way to push him out of my life. Dan on the other hand, well I still
think he's a class A prick and he shouldn't have treated me the way
he did, but I let him. I have to take responsibility for that and I
now have.
But am I ready
to risk it all again? I just don't know. Most of you know that I
signed upto a website called Tagged.com in my last month out here. I
did this for 2 reasons. The first, so I could get used to talking to
guys again and the second, because I knew I was away and the chance
of actually meeting any of these guys would have to wait. I know you
can never really know a person until you meet them but even chatting
to them has had its ups and downs. I know now that being out of the
dating game has had me at a severe disadvantage. I've been single for
7 years and I've never had to 'play the game' before. After some wise
words from a true friend I think I finally get it. Don't get me
wrong, I'll never say never but in order to find a relationship, I
first need to concentrate on the relationship with myself which still
needs a bit more attention.
Enough of this
in depth rubbish. What were the highlights of my trip? Well here are
my most memorable things in each place I visited....
China
Standing on the
Great Wall 3 days after i'd left home.
Meeting a great
friend whilst working with the Panda's in Ya'an and having a great
time in Shanghai when we met up again
The food
Hong Kong
Being able to
get to a gorgeous beach 10 minutes from the hustle and bustle of
downtown
Cambodia
Sunrise at
Angkor Wat Temple and the Tombraider Temple
Chilling out in
Sihanoukville....a place i'd never heard of.
Vietnam
My 4 day
motorcyle tour to Dalat
Halong
Bay....simply stunning
Overnight
sleeper buses
Laos
My time spent
with a good friend I met in Vietnam
Buddha Park
Ending up at the
wrong end of the country after a 22hr bus journey
Kuang Si
Waterfalls
Thailand
Meeting amazing
friends and having the time of my life in Koh Phi Phi
Island hopping
Bangkok at New
Year
Malaysia
Cameron
Highlands...beautiful
Seeing the
Petronas Towers
My fun stay at
the Reggae Mansion in KL
Singapore
The Duck and
Flyer Tour
Food at Clarke
Quay
Indonesia & Bali
Climbing the
active Mt Bromo
Holding an
orangutan
Ubud....amazing
restaurants, hotel, monkey forest and the Og Og Balinese New Year
The amazing
infinity pool in Amed and watching the sunrise over it
Philippines
Staying with a
local family and a good friend Leila
Parties in
Boracay and amazing beaches
Best BBQ chicken
I've ever tasted
Taking part in
the Easter parade
Watching the
sunset with the local kids
I've had some
amazing times, good times, funny times and bad times of which I have
shared with you all. And although you couldn't write half of the
stuff that happened to me, well, I can promise you that every word
written was the truth. I've had more up's than down's even though the
down's were really tough to deal with alone. I said before I came
out here that if I was really unhappy I would give it a week before
deciding to come home. I'm glad I never got that far. Ok i've been
homesick more than a few times and had the worse stomach bug
imaginable resulting in being on a drip for 5 hours in a hospital but
I cried it out, stayed strong and carried on. So yeah, I can say that
I am now a stronger willed person and i'm determined to stay this way
and not run back to my meds whenever I have a blip in my life. I've
learned that only you can change your life for the better.
To anyone who
has always wanted to travel but been to scared too, I'd say do it! It
honestly is so easy. All you need is a little confidence and a bit of asacommon
sense. I got by in every country by learning two small words....hello
and thank you. Seriously.
Will I ever
travel again? Well I'd like to think so and my only regret is not
starting sooner. There are so many other places of the world I want
to see but I also have a life at home I want to build.
Besides, the
world isn't going anywhere.
