Christmas in Thailand

Well, lets just say it wasn't how I imagined. You'd think that being on a gorgeous island, white sandy beach on your doorstep and the sound of waves lapping even from afar would be an ideal setting for Christmas wouldn't you? Don't get me wrong, the setting is beautiful but being alone on this somewhat festive day has not been fun.

However, I had a great night last night at a local bar. I was sat alone for a while until I forced myself to move from my comfy cushioned spot to the bar. It seemed it was the only place that people were gathering, that and the dance floor. As soon as I ordered another Long Island, people came to talk to me and invited me to join them. I had the choice of a guy from Oman (with dyed blonde hair??) sat with all his male friends or a group of Americans going crazy on the dance floor....so I chose the latter of course.

on me tod

Ryan is the guy with the hat and of course...the beard

We danced and partied the night away and I had my eye on a guy from California, Ryan. I've always thought that travellers with beards were just lazy gits and it was really winding me up. I mean imagine if I didn't shave my legs, armpits, let my bikini line run wild and grow a unibrow, everyone would look at me like a freak! But this guy was somehow really cute. I went into shy mode and just carried on dancing and getting rat arsed. Later on in the night I was talking to an older guy from Scotland and somehow mentioned that I had my eye on this Ryan guy. He then proceeded to get up and go grab him to come and talk to us!! I may have been pissed at this point but I was still embarrassed. It felt like a 'my friend fancies you' moment. Awkward! Anyway as the night went on we just all chatted and I told him how cute he looked in his beard, like it was an item of clothing! There were no signals at all from him so when most of them left I went onto the Reggae bar with one of the girls. I was determined to get a guy tonight, I'd even asked Santa. (He's real you know).

Not the guy from Finland

At the Reggae bar I got talking to a guy from Finland. No, I don't remember his name but why would I want to ha ha! He didn't speak very good English so we struggled for a while before I asked him the international question everyone understands 'wanna come back to mine'. His eyes almost popped out of his head as he probably couldn't believe his luck. After I thanked the big guy in the red coat off we headed. Its safe to say it wasn't THAT memorable but then again when are one night stands? (I would expand but I know my grandad reads this ha ha!)

Woke up later that day (as it was already Christmas Day) and realised that I must have gone to sleep around 6am. Went to grab some hangover lunch and head back to my room. Dad called me to wish me happy Christmas and I spoke to the kids. It was really funny because Reshen said 'miss you sissy but don't cry' then Rhys said 'you not cry sissy alright?'. They were referring to my last Skype home where the tears escaped me. They were just as upset seeing me cry, bless them.

Then mum called and the flood gates opened for real. I felt so sad because I'd realised that this was my first ever Christmas away from home and alone. I really wanted to be home so badly. Mum empathised with me knowing it was going to be a difficult day for me before I even knew. It's times like this that you really wanna pack up and go home. You start to think that you've seen enough and you've had enough of everything. From the constant travelling to being alone to having to start all over again when arriving in a new place to get your bearings and leaving your comfort zone from the place before. It really is emotionally tiring and does takes it toll.

I told myself before I came that when I felt like this I would give myself a week to pull myself together before I made the drastic decision to go home. Give myself time to remember why I was here and what would be the alternative? To go back to work to a job I'm bored of? To regret going home after a few weeks. No. This is my time to see the world, decide how I want to live the rest of my life and be the person I want to be. This is the journey I signed up for. No matter how many low days, there are still a lot of high days been had and have to come.

So tonight I will go back to my room, watch a film, read my book and say goodbye to Christmas Day 2012 and vow that I will never be alone on this day ever again.