We should have known when we got to the bus station that Murphy's Law was about to kick in for our trip to Laos. Jen and I had decided to travel to Laos together. We were going the same way and we could save on room costs,etc but most of all, we got on like a house on fire.
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| tables and chairs anyone |
We got to the bus station only to be told that the bus was not going to Luang Prabang (north Laos) but to Vientienne (south Laos and the capital) some 24 hours away and not 17 hours as planned. We looked at each other and said that you know what....there's nothing we can do so just go with the flow. I asked Jen if she wanted to go to the rooftop bar. She was confused until I showed her all the tables and chairs strapped to the top of the bus! Hahaha! We were forced to the back of the sleeper bus with 5 beds together on the 'back seat'. It was then we realised that not only were we going to the opposite end of the country but that the bus had no individual beds and no toilet as sold by the hostel woman!! It was only then that I panicked and realised I needed a piss, only we'd set off!
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| cramped...much! |
We stopped somewhere on the road and picked up random locals (a little extra money for the driver) who slepted in a secret place?????? I got off to go for a wee only for the driver to point me to a ditch. As if! I was the last one off the bus and I didn't wanna be chasing the bloody thing down the road with my pants round my ankles when he'd forgot about me LOL!
The bus ride was so fast and bumpy...not ideal when you need a wee badly!! (which I finally had 6 hours later!) When we turned corners, Jen and I flew over the other 3 people. We pissed ourselves but they didn't look that happy. What? Its gravity! Everytime we got to sleep the driver hit the brakes and we all slid down to the end of the bed at the speed of light and ended up in a curled ball yelling OUCH!!! hahahahaha. When we reached the border we got off and saw all these little people crawling out from under the beds....so thats where they put them. We were told to walk so we did...into the fog for 10 minutes! We were certain there was a border around here somewhere in the fog and mud.
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| there's a border here somewhere...? |
We finally arrived in the capital, the wrong end of the country we were supposed to be in and given half the fare to Luang Prabang and told to get on another bus...for 10 hours!!! PISS OFF we said! We decided to stay and do the country from the other way round. We went for a beer (to get our bearings of course!) and found a hotel.
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| funny as.... |
The next day we slept in and got up for a late breakfast. We went to the museum but it was shut until 1pm so we went to the river front to see the river. Well, river bed is what it was haha! Its wierd that Thailand was on the other side. Anyway, we headed back to the museum which I had bigged up to Jen as amazing according to a girl I met in Nha Trang. Yeah....wrong bleeding museum dumbass! It was boring as fuck. We then went for lunch and decided to go to the Buddha Park. We arrange for a tuk tuk and pay 120,000 kip. He agreed until 10 minutes down the road he changed it to 170,000. No chance! So we told him to take us to the bus station. The 'bible' the Lonely Planet told us we could get the no.14 bus straight there. When we 'arrived' we found that we had been dropped at the bloody Thai/Laos border and no one knew what we wanted to do AND they all wanted baht (currency of Thailand). 'We dont have baht!!!!' We were giggling so much. We couldn't get anything right. We finally found someone who told us the park closed at 5pm and it was now 5:10pm. We called it a day and got back on the bus to the city centre still pissing ourselves laughing.
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| the 10 year old bus conductor |
We got back and Jen tried to show a tuk tuk driver where we wanted to go with a map....only for the power to go out in the town! hahaha. So she went to the front of a bus in the headlights to show him...luckily it didnt drive off lol! We got to the tuk tuk and I tripped over the bar and fell ass over tit into the bloody thing landing on my knees ahahaha! What a day. We decided to go for a nice relaxing massage. Relaxing!!!! My girl thought she was some S&M queen! Bleedin hell it hurt! When I thought she had finally finished she turned me over and flipped the cover down to my waist so I was lay there with my tits out. I thought 'ok ok she will just massage my stomach.....oh my god she's massaging my boobs!!!!!!' I was dying to laugh. I kept it in for about 2 minutes then burst out a massive grunt and couldn't stop laughing. Jen was bewilidered????? Did the same thing just happen to her? We needed a stiff drink after that and went to a local bar to spot ladyboys over a cocktail or two.
The next day was our last in Vientienne so we got up early and give into the tuk tuk drivers and went to the Buddha Park. It was amazing! After, we went to the Cope Centre...the place I was bigging up the previous day. It was so sad. It turned out that Laos the most bombed country per capita in the world and still unexploded bombs are going off to this day when people and children are digging for scrap metal to sell. This place offered free rehibilitation for amputees and artificial limbs for them. Amazing place. We got the tuk tuk back and caught the bus to Vang Vieng. It was packed and the driver was going through peoples bags on the roof 'apparently'. Well he was welcome to by dirty underwear lol!
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| buddha park |
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| the red parts are where the bombs were dropped...they are represented by a tiny red dot |
Arrived in Vang Vieng - the tubing capital of Laos. This is the place where you take a rubber ring down the river and stop off at makeshift bars and get wasted. Well, until a month ago when they closed all the bars because of the amount of people dying on the river. I mean taking bad drugs and drowning or swinging off the ropes and landing in shallow water....fucking idiots! We stopped at a bar for a beer as usual where they had beds and tv's with re-runs of Friends. We were so chilled that we just checked in to the place....in a proper room of course.
The next day we headed for the river to go tubing. We took 2 beers each and a water proof camera (lesson learned remember lol) and headed out on our big rubber ring. It was great without the bars. The scenery was amazing and it was so peaceful. Had a great time. At the end where you are supposed to get off I heard a big SPLASH. It was a little kid jumping in to pull me to one side bless him. He was shivering to death so he got a good tip of us (£4). We headed back (Jen without flipflops which she broke trying to get off the ring and grab another beer off a local) and went out to a few bars. At the last bar we went to we were dancing and then Jen realised some robbing bastard had taken her last pair of flip flops lol! I cracked up laughing but Jen wasn't until the next day.
(The tubing pics are on a waterproof camera...sorry)
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| banana and chocolate pancake mmmmmm |
On our last day we had to get the bus to Luang Prabang....finally! Everyone sits where they want on these buses so we were sat apart. No biggy. Two hours in we stopped for lunch. We got back on only to be told that not only was the toilet not working (which Jen found out earlier) but the air con had packed in. We just sat there laughing our heads off.....Murphy's Law eh! So we went on through the mountains twisting and turning, breaking hard and climbing higher in altitude with no air con. When we finally arrived I felt sick as a dog. We found a shithole for the night and decided to move the next day.
The next morning we found a great little place right in the heart of everything. My opinion of Luang went up. We went for breakfast and caught a tuk tuk to Kuang Si Waterfalls. Oh my god it was amazing! I can't describe the beauty, I even had a tear in my eye because I was just in awe. That night, after a wee snooze, we went for dinner. The only problem was that everywhere shut at 10pm and it was 9:30pm. We got death stares at the restaurant we found and convinced that they were gonna spit in our food or rub a rats ass in it. Ok, early night then. (Everywhere has to shut by 10pm or 10:30pm or they will be fined. So no shops, restaurants, bars or anything are still open and a curfew is in place! This is to prevent crime. It seems to work though).
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| Kuang Si Waterfalls |
Our last day in Laos came around and we decided to end it with a bang. We went to a park where we rode elephants, saw another waterfall and the best of all.....went zip lining! Why not? It was amazing. At one point I got stuck near the end of the line and they had to pull me in. Translated in English it went....heave hooooo, heave hoooo hahahahahaha! They were pissing themselves and so was I coz they were so scrawny.
We headed back and went to the local temple....300 steps high!!! But OMG! the view at sunset was amazing! We were there...Jen and I, with a beer in hand toasting to an amazing day and perfect end to our time together in Laos. The next day we were going our separate ways. We went for dinner at the market. It was well nice! Early night because I was up at 5am to catch my flight to Bangkok at 7:30am.
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| night market |
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