Hoi An & Hue (A Caught Short Story)

Arrived in Hoi An in the morning not so fresh off the sleeper bus.  The are gradually getting a worse standard as I go...funny that.  I'd yet again forgot the name of my hostel so I got dropped in the middle of town to find an internet cafe so I could check my email.  It was right around the corner.  Really didnt like the place and should have moved but I was knackered.  I was sharing with 3 other guys and me again.  Surely they should have put me in a room with girls???

Amy had told me about a tailor she went to called Anh.  They were really popular here and I thought why not treat myself to some new clothes. I hate shopping at home and never spend much money on clothes so I decided to splash out.  3 hours later and £200 lighter i'd ordered 4 dresses, 2 tops, 2 pants and a skirt, all made to fit me and my choice of design, material and colour.  Besides, some of my clothes were getting a bit tattered and trying to buy something in asia for my size is none existent.  Later I went to the beach for lunch.  It was gorgeous and way better that Nha Trang.  I was still tired so I went back for a snooze.

That night I went to the river for dinner.  It was the ancient part of town and was lovely.  Found the cheapest beer so far....4000 Dong = 12p!!  Didn't like it much though.  After, I headed to a backpackers bar.  About half hour sitting alone a girls came over to talk to me...how lovely.  The next thing you know 2 guys joined us and then her friends.  Later that night we went to a club.  I played pool with the locals....MISTAKE!!! When I got home I realised that my camera and my phone had been taken and could have only happened when I put my bag down for a few minutes to take a few shots at pool.  I was so annoyed at myself for letting it happen!  So the next day I went to buy a new phone £15 and camera £100.  I needed a decent one because I have so much of my trip left.  I also paid up for my clothes! Expensive day!  Later I went back to bed hungover and in a really bad mood.  That night I found a great Indian for dinner.  Long day and a BIG lesson learned.  Ah well, onwards and upwards!  You have to think like that because there is nothing you can do 
about it.

chicken madras with butter naan mmmmmmm

On my last day I went to the river for breakfast and to re-take my photos then headed for the beach.  Ahhhh just what I needed, until... a storm blew in.  It was the backlash of a typhoon which had hit the Philippines.  I was so worried so I messaged Ruth to see if her family were ok and they were thank god!  The next morning I headed for Hue some 4 hours away.

still smiling   :)

When I arrived a guy named Han agreed to take me to my hotel and around the city for 2 days.  My hotel Valentine was pure luxury to what I had just stayed in.  A double bed, tv, private bathroom, minibar AND supplied toilet paper.  Its funny what 'luxury' turns out to be when your travelling.  After a horrible lunch of beef and noodles we headed off to various sights.  

some tomb of someone important lol

We got to the Citadel (the main attraction) and I headed in.  As I passed through the entrance my stomach started cramping. Oh no! I needed the toilet and fast!  I couldn't find one anywhere.  I sat down but it got worse.  That was it...I was gonna shit myself in the middle of an ancient ruin!  I looked around and saw they had massive trees in the garden area and no one was around.  I was mortified at the fact I was gonna have to empty myself behind a tree!  I rushed over and as I put my bag down I saw a security guard doing his rounds. Oh no! What am I gonna do?!  I tried to look like I was taking pictures but then he stopped for a smoke...no chance of going now.  Luckily it subsided but I knew it would be back minutes.  So, clenching my butt cheeks I walked extremely fast to another part of the Citadel and it was there I saw it....a sign from God................WC!  Just as the cramps came back and my ass was twitching I headed into the toilet.  Poor sod who was next to me in the cubicle was probably just as embarrassed as me as my butt exploded like napalm into the bowl hahahahahahaha!

A sign from God!

After that I left.  I'd agreed with Han that we would go for a beer so I was just hoping my gut was completely empty.  After a few, it started.  Han I mean not my ass. 'I give you good massage?' 'No Han'.  'Ok I come to your room, I have condom and we bum bum?' (Bum bum is exactly that)  'NO HAN! Behave or I wont tour with you tomorrow'.  Later his friend joined us.  His name was Viet.  So I was sat with Viet Han.....hahahaha!  The joke was lost on them.  Tonight was film night in my lovely big bed.

ever heard of personal space mate?

Was woken up the next morning but a cat being strangled.  Well it sounded like that.  A karaoke place next door had opened at 8am!  Off I went for another day with Han.  After the tour I asked him to take me to a real local restaurant and he did and invited Viet and another guy.  It was right by the river and as I was eating my bbq goat I saw a rat run by!  Seen it so often it doesn't bother me anymore. Two crates of beer later (I only had 3 beers by the way, lesson learned remember!) and it started again...'you, me bum bum' and  'I give you gooooood massage'.  So I paid (£10 for all of it) and bid my farewell. 

post office....should be a listed building!

The next day I sent my postcards and Si's present home and waited for my night bus at 5pm to take me to Hanoi.